I did not even know that Ai-Ai De Las Alas got married until I saw a friend’s status update on Facebook. Thanks to the internet, it is easy to get updated in minutes.
News like this never fail to make me sad. WHAT DOES A WOMAN REALLY WANT? Men often think we want money. Wrong. We want LOVE more than anything else. Which is why even the most successful woman would want to settle down with someone someday, someone who will love her fully, completely, without conditions. Why then is the ideal relationship seeminlgy difficult for many women to achieve?
After having been through so much, and after having had my own share of failed relationships, I have come to realize that women do not have a shortage of relationships. A woman can have as many relationships as she wants, and in all of these relationships, she can claim that she was truly loved. The problem is not finding a relationship. The problem is in fact that the relationships a woman gets herself into often turn out to be the wrong ones.
Why does this happen? This happens because we women tend to focus on love, THE FEELING. We are so eager to love and be loved that as soon as we experience the feeling, we let go of both reason and instinct and from then onwards move ahead blindly.
But we need to bear in mind that love is an emotion. And being an emotion, it can never be objective. It will always be colored by who we are. What am I saying? I am saying that it is possible for several men to love one woman, but they will never love her in exactly the same way. Each man’s love for the same woman will be different from that of the other, because each man’s love, and the way it is expressed, will always be colored by who he is.
This means that just because a man loves a woman does not automatically mean that the relationship will be successful. Love, of and by itself, is not a guaranteed ticket to bliss. A man can love a woman and will even lay down his life for her, but if such a man has personality problems which makes him physcially abusive, he can hurt her, even as he professes to her his undying love.
In the case of Ai-Ai De Las Alas, I cannot agree when she said that Jed Salang probably never loved her. I watched their wedding video, and in fairness to the man, he was filled with emotion during the ceremony. Only a man who is genuinely in love could be gripped by such an emotion on his wedding day.
But if it is true that there were already incidences of violence prior to the wedding, Ai-Ai should have been on guard. Violence is an indicator of danger. Violence is a symptom of a personality disorder that cannot be made right even by the greatest of loves. Violence will not go away after marriage. It can only get worse when the man becomes more relaxed and begins to let his guard down. No woman should ever think that marriage will make the violence disappear.
And so, to those of my women friends out there who are still looking, next time a man tells you “I love you”, do not be concerned too much about the feeling. First and foremost, find out what kind of person he is. Is he gentle or violent? Is he kind or cruel? Can you talk on the same level or is sex your only connection? Does he take good care of you, or does he expect you to take care of him? Remember this: even the worst of men can be capable of love, but how he will express his love for you will depend on the kind of man that he is.