Originally posted on Facebook on September 27, 2018.
ON THE PLANE LAST NIGHT, coming home from Manila, I intended to sleep. Rolly and I have been up very early the last two mornings, and we were both tired.
There were at least two babies on board, both only about a year old. I was seated on 21E and Rolly on 21F. One baby was seated with his mom to my left, on 21D, while the other baby was seated with his mom on 20D in front of us.
Both babies cried when the plane took off, but I did not mind. Very soon, I was drifting off to sleep.
Then I was awakened by a hissing sound. I was not sure what it was and tried to ignore it, but it persisted. Annoyed, I peered through half-closed eyes to the direction of the sound and discovered that the sound was coming from a tablet which was playing videos of children’s songs. The father of the baby on Seat 20D was holding the tablet towards the baby, apparently to keep the baby from getting bored.
I could not sleep anymore. I remembered that earlier this week, Rolly and I were in S and R having a bite to eat. At the table next to us was a couple. Their baby, only about 8 months old, was on a stroller. The baby was crying. From time to time, the mom would shake the rattle tied next to the baby, and the baby would be distracted and stop crying. Then the mom would put the rattle down and resume eating, and the baby would cry again. The mom would pick up the rattle again, and the cycle would repeat.
In my mind, I was saying: “Pick her up. Please, pick her up.” From the way the baby was crying, I could tell she really just wanted to be hugged.
My thoughts went back to when the kids were that small. Whenever the kids cried, I would NOT turn on the TV or give them a toy. I would pick them up and TALK to them. I would actually ask them what it was they wanted, and whether you believe me or not, they would actually tell me in actions and facial expressions. I would know if they were hungry, sleepy, frustrated, in pain, or just bored. And I would know how to make them stop crying.
There was hardly a meal that I could eat leisurely, whether at home or in public. Whenever the baby was with us, I would have the baby on my lap while I ate, unless of course a friend or a yaya was there to carry the baby for me. (My dear friends Joenisa Hoyla and Daryl Tabada were among those friends who helped me with my babies, and I am forever grateful.)
The kids were hardly ever left alone. They always had human interaction, not only from me but from everyone in the household. People used to tell me “Don’t carry your baby all the time, or they will become spoiled.” Today, after three kids, I can honestly tell you that is not true. You can spoil a kid many ways. Carrying him and giving him human interaction are not one of them.
It is true we did not have cellphones and tablets back then, and that was fortunate. But even if we did, I doubt if I would ever leave them alone with a tablet just to keep them entertained.
I am sad that many parents today rely on technology to keep their children entertained. I do not agree with this practice. I think that by doing this, we deprive our kids the human connection that they need for the proper development of their brains. We deprive them of that one element that will help them develop and acquire empathy.
God gave children human parents with feelings. He did not allow them to be born to robots whose only ability is to play videos on command. Let us not abdicate our responsibility as human parents. Let us make sure we stay connected with our kids.
NOTE to my children, Gianna, Cris and Luis Jaime. You will probably not remember, but this will tell you how I raised you. You can ask anyone who was there, they will tell you this is true. When your time comes to start a family, do not attempt to have babies unless you are ready to give them the kind of time, attention and connection that I gave you. Malatusan jud mo naho. (I will spank you if you neglect them.) And if I am not there anymore, I will come back to haunt you.
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